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10 Principles of Success

 I have learned from working with and observing hundreds of couples in my office & out in the world:

  1. You are not solely responsible for your partner's happiness. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
     
  2. Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don't know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
     
  3. If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.
     
  4. Your attitude does matter. Having a positive attitude about your marriage & your partner is important. Dont speak negatively about either to friends & family.
     
  5. Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
     
  6. The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth -- i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
     
  7. You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Stop focusing on the faults of your partner; you can't change any of that. Focus on becoming a better partner yourself & this will give you the best chance to improve the relationship.
     
  8. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" -- when it feels good and when it doesn't.
     
  9. Marriage is often about choosing not to fight. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges and bringing up the past. They remember that they married an imperfect person -- and so did their spouse.
     
  10. A crisis doesn't mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It's out of pain that great people and marriages are produced
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